Dear 17-year-old self

Don’t worry about what everyone thinks. You won’t see half of these people again.

Let go of the humility you’ve carried for getting jumped in 6th grade. The girl that did that to you will end up being a friend one day and someone who gives her whole life to God. 

You will have Daddy issues. Even though you have the best step-dad a young girl could ask for, it still comes to the surface that your birth father doesn’t care. 

It really has nothing to do with you. You will have some relationship, but he will be more like an Uncle. His loss. Period. You’ll have so many people that do care. 

You’re going to deal with death, a lot of it. But it’s only going to make you appreciate the time and people more. You will end up being grateful for the short time you did get to spend with them. You have many guardian angels, And you’ll see the work they’ve done to keep you alive a time or two. 

Drugs are going to take almost everything you have and make you a horrible person. You will lie, cheat, steal. Forget all your values and morals. You will hit rock bottom a few times. But your support system never waivers, and one day, you will have had enough, and God will be waiting for you to have that serious conversation with him. It is very much true that with him, all things are possible. 

You’re going to have a perfect little family, two healthy kids. A boy first, then a girl. Just like you always wanted. Your daughter will act just like you. You will then apologize to your Mom daily for your bad attitude towards her when you were growing up. But the love you will have for them is indescribable and like no other love in the world. They are your saving grace. God gave them to you for a reason. 

Your husband is someone you know. He’s that kid who annoyed you at school. You will run into him a few years after graduating and fall in love. You will marry him and get pregnant in like 5 minutes. He will stay by your side as you self-destruct with drugs. He will forgive you time and time again. He loves you so much, and one day it finally does click. You will be so thankful for a love like that. Most people spend their whole lives searching for that exact thing. 

At about 36, you remember who you were at this age. And you surround yourself with the right people. You put God 1st in your life, and blessings flow abundantly. By this time, you know the definition of a real friend and only want a few. Your family is going to be your ride or dies. (New language, it’s fine) Life starts to make sense, and many amazing opportunities open up to you. You are going to be a hell of a person and do great things in life. 

I will write again, in 10 years at 47. Always remember, Life isn’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride.

So much love,

Your 37-year-old self

Charla Hall